How to talk to children about addiction with honesty and care

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Some conversations are hard. But when children ask questions, they deserve answers. Proper ones. We often assume kids can’t grasp tough concepts, but they notice far more than we give them credit for. And what they don’t know can actually cause more fear and distress than what they do know. If addiction is affecting someone close, whether a parent, grandparent, older sibling, aunt, uncle or cousin, it’s possible to speak with our young ones with age-appropriate honesty and care.

At Marrin Weejali, we support Aboriginal and non-Indigenous people in Western Sydney in healing from addiction. We know this is a difficult journey for the entire family, but particularly for any children involved. Here’s what you need to know.

It’s natural to want to protect children from painful realities like addiction, but even very young kids notice emotional shifts at home or within their extended family. Research in developmental psychology shows they’re highly attuned to stress and changes in the behaviour of their caregivers, even if they don’t understand the cause. Instead of assuming your child doesn’t have a clue about what’s happening, create space to hear them.

Start with open-ended questions like:

• What have you noticed lately?
• How are you feeling about things at home?

This will help avoid putting ideas into their head or overwhelming them with unnecessary information. It’ll also help you clear up any misconceptions, such as thinking that they are somehow at fault. Sadly, this is common for children in homes impacted by substance abuse.

Children need the truth, but they also need to hear it in a way they can emotionally process. What you would say to a five-year-old is very different to what you would say to a teenager. Regardless of age, balance honesty with care. Avoid vague statements or misleading phrases like “they’re just a bit sick” or “they’ve just gone away for a little while.” While you may have good intentions, this can lead to confusion or even fear if a child can sense there’s more to it.

It’s better to use simple, direct but compassionate language when explaining what addiction is. “Addiction is when someone keeps using drugs or alcohol, even though it’s hurting them or the people around them. It’s really hard for them to stop, and they need help to get better.”

Reassurance is important. Validate their feelings and let them know it’s understandable to feel scared. And keep in mind that this will be an ongoing conversation. Always keep the door open.

There’s more to the conversation than hard facts. Children of all ages also need support with the feelings they’re experiencing amidst the family turmoil. You can help them work through this by:

• Letting them speak freely
  Children may feel angry, scared, embarrassed or sad. Let them know all feelings are valid and that it’s safe to talk about them without judgment.
• Reassuring without minimising
  It’s normal to have negative emotions, even while still loving the person affected. Help them understand that having mixed feelings doesn’t make them disloyal or unkind.
• Offering grounding through connection
  Positive relationships with trusted adults can help with the emotional upheaval and pressure and give a stronger sense of safety during this time of uncertainty.

Routine regulates the nervous system, and studies consistently show that reliable daily patterns like meal times, school drop-offs and bedtime rituals reduce cortisol levels and anxiety in children, especially those experiencing the unpredictability that comes from a loved one’s addiction. Start with routine.

Avoid parentification, which is when a child is forced to take on an adult’s role and developmentally inappropriate responsibilities. Unfortunately, this happens frequently in families impacted by addiction. Caregivers need to be explicit in their communication with children that adult problems are just that. Adult problems.

It’s also important to be honest in your own modelling of coping. Children learn how to respond to stress by watching adults. Hearing a caregiver name emotions and use healthy coping strategies rather than seeing them portray some sort of emotional perfection is a far better way to teach resilience.

Lastly, give them permission to stay a child. Play, laughter and moments of normal childhood are not distractions from challenges; they are essential to living well. Actively protect your child’s space for joy.

Conversations with children about addiction don’t have to be right or perfect to be helpful. Talking about it is far better than avoiding it altogether. And if mistakes are made along the way, it’s never too late to return, apologise and try again. Having at least one emotionally safe, reliable adult reduces the long-term harm for children growing up around substance abuse. You can be that adult.

There’s also no shame in realising that you need further help. Children in these circumstances often benefit from counselling or school-based support, but definitely seek additional support if they show signs of sleep difficulties or changes, behavioural problems or emotional regulation.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, our programs offer holistic, culturally safe support for individuals and their families.

You are welcome at Marrin Weejali.

Contact us for a confidential discussion.